Let’s be honest: it isn’t working out.  In fact, it hasn’t been working out for almost 20 years now.  And let’s not point fingers because we’re both to blame.

Don’t Cry, Your Newsprint Will Get All Blotchy.

In a healthy relationship, both parties respect and appreciate one another.  They know neither side is perfect, but they continually work together toward mutually beneficial goals.  And, PS, the sex is great.

In a broken relationship, neither party values the goals, accomplishments or contributions of the other.  Each side takes the other for granted, while refusing to take steps that could strengthen the connection.  And let’s not even talk about what doesn’t happen in the bedroom…

So: which scenario best describes the relationship between us and the newspaper industry?  And if things really are as bad as they seem… isn’t it time we see other people?

When Did It All Fall Apart?

Sure, the Internet disrupted our local and national newspaper industries.  Suddenly, what we could only get by paying for locally, we could now get for free from someone else — someone newer, faster and on-demand.  So much for fidelity.

Jilted, the newspaper industry called us out.  They accused us of taking advantage of their hard work, ignoring their needs and walking away from centuries of tradition.  And we laughed because we thought they were crazy.

Mostly, they just seemed jealous of our high-speed mistress, who wasn’t always reliable but, hey, when she was on, she was available whenever and wherever we wanted.  Plus, she was always interested in finding newer, faster, better ways of doing it — even in different languages!  And did we mention she did it all for free?

Will Your Kindle Go Down on You in a Theater?

Now that we all seem ready to commit to the Internet, the newspapers (or what’s left of them) are pulling out all the stops.  They’re guilting us into finding them relevant, or insisting that we’ll miss them when they’re gone.  Which may be true.  But they’re also trying to punish those of us who do care, which is driving away the very people who should most want to find a way to make this all work out for everyone involved.

Yes, maybe we were callous for leaving in the first place.  But times change, people change, goals and needs change.  If both parties don’t evolve together, one of them gets left behind.  It’s a sad situation, and we really hope newspapers find someone who’ll love them for who they are, because they really do deserve it.

But it can’t be us.  Our hearts are with another.

Now, let’s do the mature thing and sit down to tell the kids.

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