10 Ways to Look Like You’re a Social Media Expert

As many of you know, while I make my living in social media / social marketing, I also have a love-hate relationship with the field.  And since the barrier to entry is so low, literally anyone can join our hallowed ranks of gurus, ninjas, pirates and scam artists who pollute the conversation with meaningless bullshit and oversold pitches about their own awesomeness.

(This seems like a great time to remind you to sign up for my new newsletter, doesn’t it? But I digress…)

Since anyone in the world can go from zero to guru simply by joining Facebook, I thought I’d offer some heartfelt advice to help them look like they’re even smarter than they already are.  So, if you want to make a fortune by convincing companies to invest in your dubious knowledge, here are 10 easy ways to sound like you know what you’re talking about:

1. Quote Mashable a lot. It makes you look like you have your finger on the pulse of this brand new industry you’ve just discovered.

2. Write linkbait blog posts about linkbait blog posts. Admitting that you know what linkbait is, and then using it as a way to call attention to itself, makes you look like a genius. Or a hipster. Or meta. I forget. But something.

3. Write list-based posts about the futility of list-based posts. People love irony.

4. Make sure you have a photograph of yourself in a sport coat. Not a suit, not a tie or a dress, but not a t-shirt either.  A blazer.  Edgy social media pros know that blazers straddle the line between “company man” and “maverick.”

5. Follow all the social media thought leaders you can find. As you absorb their wisdom, you technically become them.

6. Retweet the people you most want to impress. The more often Chris Brogan sees you retweet him, the more likely he is to come to your house for a sleepover.

7. Retweet anyone who tweets about you.  Because your own followers will follow you even harder when they see that other people think you’re important enough to quote.

8. Learn the buzzwords and use them liberally. You may never have had a paying client, but if you say you can “help clients understand the proactive benefits of real-time metric tracking and deep-drill data analysis,” someone will probably think you’re worth hiring.

9. Link to your own blog posts constantly with your own blog posts. This reminds people that you’re actually a leading authority on everything.

10. Offer a webinar. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, but it should have the word “Guide” in it.  Bonus points if you don’t even know what a webinar is yet when you first start offering yours on LinkedIn.  (Because LinkedIn is the world’s #1 source for high-value webinars.)

There you go.  That’s all free advice.  Take it and run with it.

I look forward to attending your impending webinar, “A List-Based Guide to Linkbait.”  Please alert me to it on LinkedIn.

Dig this blog? Subscribe and you’ll never miss a witty insight again.

Tags: Armchair Sociology, bullshit, chrisbrogan, common sense, language, My Social Media POV, perception