Dec
17

I’m Only Tolerating You So You’ll Talk About Me

ASofterWorld510

As we look back on the ’00s and try to decide what defined us for the past decade, I think one truth becomes evident:

We defined us.

The rise of social media may have “democratized” media production like never before, but it’s also cheapened the concept of stardom (and talent) in a way that we would have considered appalling even a decade ago.  From reality TV to Twitter, the people we consider to be famous or influential now enter our awareness from such an easily-accessible vantage point that each of us suddenly believes we, too, can become world-famous and influential to millions.

All of which is complicating our interpersonal communications a bit.

Because now that every human being has access to same the tools necessary to become famous, actually becoming famous seems somehow inevitable — and deserved — to all of us.  After all, if they can do, it so can I — and I’m at least as deserving of fame and fortune as anyone on Wife Swap, or some guy who correctly guessed how much money is in Howie Mandel’s suitcase.  My ascent is only a matter of time.

But there’s still a problem: I can’t become famous without you.  Every spectacle requires an audience.  And if you’re also trying to become famous, we have a conflict of interests.

Help Me Help You Help Me

These days, most of us spend more time than we’d ever have thought possible worrying about things like how many people are listening to us, and how influential those people are, and what they’re telling their people about us.  It’s enough to make anyone long for the days when the problems of the rich and famous were really only the problems of the rich and famous, and the rest of us could just live our lives of quiet, anonymous desperation, punctuated by the mocking of celebrities you knew the guy next to you had actually heard of.

But once you open that Pandora’s box of 15-minute fame, there’s no going back.  Suddenly, everyone’s the star of his own movie, and that movie is called “life,” and everyone is watching everyone else’s.  (Or so we hope.)  But if I’m watching (or listening to) you, it means you’re not watching (or listening) to me.  In short, it means you win — and no one likes to be the loser, which means no one likes to be the listener.  (Which is ironic, since social media is allegedly all about listening.  But I digress.)

So, what do we do in a world where everyone is convinced that her own turn at global domination is just a well-timed Twitter joke or a properly-SEOed blog post away?

Simple: we cannibalize each other for fun and profit.

Everyone I Know Is a Rock Star

If you succeed, I succeed because I know you.  That’s because knowing a famous person is akin to being famous yourself.  Thus, if I help you become famous, I’m helping myself [become famous].

And when I mount the peak of fame whore mountain, I won’t even need to thank “all the little people” because there are no little people anymore.  Everybody’s a rock star. Everyone’s a cult of his or her own niche-serving personality.  We each believe we’re a solar system unto ourselves, but in reality, we’re an endless hierarchy of Russian nesting dolls of dwindling ROI.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  (Which is fortunate, because there’s no way to reverse it, either.)  So stop worrying about how famous you are, or who’s listening, or why.  We’re *all* famous, and everybody’s listening, all the time.

They just happen to be listening for the sound of their own name.

Cartoon created by A Softer World, which you should be reading daily.

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Posted by Justin Social Media, Sociology Subscribe to RSS feed
  • Justin, (& Sexcpotatoes) I believe John's criticism was motivated in helping your blog resonate. In my limited writing experience (started this February), I have found it much more difficult to write thoughts in a concise manner. But it's imperative that we try to self edit, and compress our thoughts as elegantly as possible to reach our genuine audience.
  • Rebuttal: What if I'm only talking about you so you'll tolerate me?

    Sad thought.
  • 1. John: Brevity can be witty, but it can also make it seem like you're talking to children (though many adults are barely above that level). Sentences can be long and convoluted, some people think more complexly than others, deal with it.

    2. I understand that the signal to noise ratio has exploded online, Justin. But not everyone wants to be famous, wants to be a household name, or have more money than the gods. I know I don't, because then you reach the dilemma that you can never truly know if anyone likes you for who you are (friends or lovers) because there's always the possibility that money (or fame) is the only reason they are there.

    I treasure human interaction, and clever turns of phrase in the English language. I've read so extensively (mostly for pleasure) that little surprises me in most mass entertainment anymore (TV, movies, books). I can see the plot twists coming, for the most part. Sometimes the journey is totally worth the voyage, even though you already know the destination. This is not the case with Twitter and blogging (& hanging out with friends of course as well). The pithy quotes, clever turns of phrase, and especially the responses/feedback that I get when I make a funny or interesting comment. It's an ego boost, a reward of sorts. I've also read that humor comes from the forming of new neural connections, that when concepts or situations that aren't normally associated are presented in a new, novel way, we react with laughter. Everybody loves to laugh, I think.

    My brain works differently than other peoples' brains. I make odd connections that are sometimes gut-bustingly hilarious. A lot of my jokes or comments can fall flat, or be very complex, where it takes a couple of beats for the listenter to put it together, then laugh. But all-in-all everyone has a pretty good time whenever they hang out with me. I'm told that I'm quite funny (but I say looks aren't everything).

    The complex interactions of human socialization are always a trade off. We all make judgment calls on who is worth our time. The TV show NUMBERS makes a lot of use of "game theory" about how we are all in it for ourselves, and we weigh risks (personal, monetary, emotional) against the possible rewards.

    I also go off on tangents a lot. So I'm gonna cut this short, but that's why I'm on twitter, to have fun, and "meet" new and interesting people.
  • John: Where did I say I'm a social media expert? I always like to know where my misquotes are coming from.

    If you're not sure what a misquote is, you may not have read the books that explain it, because those books also tend to contain sentences longer than five words. Related: they're rarely illustrated.

    Happy holidays!
  • John
    "It’s enough to make anyone long for the days when the problems of the rich and famous were really only the problems of the rich and famous, and the rest of us could just live our lives of quiet, anonymous desperation, punctuated by the mocking of celebrities you knew the guy next to you had actually heard of."

    That was one. Huge. Sentence. Seriously, hire an editor. You may be a "Social Media Expert," but you're no writer. Don't confuse the two.
  • This is part of the reason celebrity endorsements are dead: If everyone's special, no one is.

    However, I'm not sure who said it first, but if we're actually working in a link-based economy like the web implies, those links will inevitably pool around people who legitimately stand out, for whatever reason. It's a pure meritocracy, even if the merits we develop are entirely based on high school style popularity contests with our blogs and my-name-dot-coms as the loudspeakers.
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