Yesterday’s news that Disney is buying Marvel has touched off a firestorm of deliberation. Whether the move will help Marvel in the long run is debatable, but any serious consideration of the business implications is irrelevant; it’s the potential Disney-Marvel crossovers that have everyone’s geek flag flying high.
With so many icons now under their roof, from Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck to Spider-Man and the X-Men, the mashup opportunities are almost infinite. As such, I felt compelled to offer ten possibilities we probably won’t be seeing.
- Secret Eeyorigins — Everyone’s favorite depressive donkey narrates the origin stories of Marvel’s hottest heroes! First Issue: The Silver Surfer! (“Wasn’t much of a power cosmic anyway…”)
- God of Big Thunder Mountain — The waiting time for this classic Disneyland ride quintuples when the mine cars screech to a halt at the mountain’s summit, where riders are treated to a 45-minute choreographed fight sequence between Thor and Loki, set to the music of Queen.
- Toy Story 4: Endgame — Buzz Lightyear’s catchphrase “To infinity — and beyond!” is finally revealed to be his brainwashed directive from Thanos, who tricks Buzz into giving him the Infinity Gauntlet, which he then uses to annihilate all life in the universe. (Woody’s attempts to counter with the Ultimate Nullifier prove futile.)
- Punisher War Journal: Tigger Happy — Convinced that a talking orange tiger couldn’t possibly be that happy without nonstop access to crystal meth, Frank Castle pays a visit to the Hundred Acre Wood. Oh bother.
- Space Mountain Redux — The Magic Kingdom’s only vaguely serious ride becomes downright terrifying after unplanned attacks by the Brood.
- The Mighty Ducks 4: Puck Strikes Back — Emilio Estevez’s plucky adolescents are in over their heads yet again, but this time they get a hand from an unlikely ally: Puck, the Canadian midget from Alpha Flight. Hilarity — and a moral about the unconditional acceptance of little people — ensues.
- Herbie Goes to Genosha — When America’s only sentient Volkswagen is revealed to be a mutant, his jovial demeanor and deft cornering ability prove to be no match for the Sentinels.
- Disney Princesses in the Savage Land — A lame excuse for undersexed Imagineers to draw Snow White in a leopard-print thong, nimbly escaping pterodactyls. Also, Baloo shows up for no reason.
- Chicken Little 2: The Kree-Skrull War — The element of surprise is almost lost, but Earth once again refuses to heed Chicken Little’s warning because “the Skrulls are coming” sounds far too much like “the sky is falling” for anyone to care.
- Ichabod Crane: Ghost Rider — ‘Nuff said.
Tags: branding, Business, comics, legal, personal, pop culture
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John Wall
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JPersch
